I'm walking down the street to the local supermarket. It's maybe 100 meters. It's 8:30 pm, and the place shuts at 9. I've deliberately left it as late as possible, to try and avoid other people. I'm maybe four steps out of the front gate, and there are three people walking along the highway behind me. They're noisy. One of them is a teenage boy I've seen several times before. He approaches me.
"How tall are you?"
I hold up my hand, asking him to please just let me walk to the supermarket. He repeats the question, more loudly and forcefully.
"How tall are you?"
"Six feet four," I reply quietly, while silently wishing I wasn't. I'm walking slowly, hoping nothing else is going to happen. In addition to said height, I have gout and the difference in length between my legs is nearly three inches. I have a permanent limp, and I find it very difficult to move quickly. People find me intimidating because of my height, but if they knew the physical condition I'm in, they would know I am not capable of being a threat to anyone.
"Wow, that's enormous! He's huge!" The boy goes back to the others. He has asked me that question before, and there have also been times when he has yelled out, "Bigfoot's back!" when I haven't gone outside for several days, in an attempt to avoid just this sort of response from people. I also recently had someone come up to me once out of nowhere, and tell me that I "friging terrified" them, when the only thing I had on my mind was supermarket shopping.
There are going to be people who will call me a snowflake for this, and tell me to get over it; and possibly also that such stuff has made them strong. I've had it all my life, virtually every time I've gone outside, and it hasn't made me strong. It's done exactly the opposite. I'm sick of women walking more quickly and looking behind themselves nervously when they're ahead of me, as if they think I'm going to assault them, when I am not even focusing on them at all. I couldn't care less about them. I had two people throttle me once until I nearly blacked out, and my mind was only on going to the local service station to buy a bottle of Coke.
As I was walking home, this made me think of Peter Dinklage, the man who acted as Tyrion Lannister in Game of Thrones. He is half my height, so we have the opposite problem; but it made me realise that when it comes to discrimination, we have something in common. I've had parallels drawn between myself and Frankenstein, or Lurch from the Addams Family. Because of how difficult and painful it is for me to walk, I frequently stop, and the very fact that I've stopped seems to intimidate people. I virtually never go anywhere in public now, and even when I walk to the supermarket where I live, I have to remind myself to get there and back as quickly as possible, so I don't draw potentially dangerous attention to myself.
I'm 41 now. I don't know what to do about this. I don't know how to escape it or deal with it. I can't make myself shorter, or what people will apparently think is less strange or intimidating. I'm living with my mother, but a large part of the reason why is because when I've lived alone, I've repeatedly been the target of violence which as far as I could tell, was genuinely unprovoked.
petrus4,
I cannoy offer anything to you more than my sincere heartfelt feelings of sympathy and sorrow for your experiances, I do not have any sage words of wisdom or platitudes, it really does sound horrible for you, I can say that you are not a snowflake for posting this - as I have said before, we humans totally suck as a species,
I know for sure that I am in the minority when it comes to having empathy with others and the life on this poor planet of ours'.
I guess moving away cannot be an option or you would have done so before??
I really don't have anything to say, or offer you by way of comfort, I just hope that your experiances with these tools does deminish as time goes by.
Take care buddy,
Fans' :'(
Quote from: fansongecho on July 05, 2018, 10:58:28 PM
I can say that you are not a snowflake for posting this - as I have said before, we humans totally suck as a species,
Thanks, Fans. In terms of moving away, that was a large part of the reason why I went to Nimbin. That was safe for a while, but then the museum was burned down and the police and the skinheads from Brisbane came, and the town changed.
I don't know what the future is going to hold. My parents are both in their 70s, which means that they're going to die at some point, although I just keep hoping that it won't happen soon. I don't know what will happen to me after that, and given my experience regarding the nature of current human society, it's not something I want to think about.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=inUCmh3LY9Y
There have been times over the last several days, particularly after waking up, when I've heard the above music in my mind. I think I'm starting to feel that Eric Draven is someone who I have a certain amount in common with, at least figuratively speaking.
I was just reading this article on Wikipedia, and wondered how true to the reality it was Petrus4?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nimbin,_New_South_Wales
I hope that circumstances do change, and pick up more positively for you buddy, it sounds a little like the small village I grew up in in the 60's & 70's by way of think twats who think that they are the "man" throwing their weight around. #Tools
Keep the faith buddy, try not to let them grind you down.
Fans'
Quote from: fansongecho on July 06, 2018, 06:43:33 AM
I was just reading this article on Wikipedia, and wondered how true to the reality it was Petrus4?
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Nimbin,_New_South_Wales
It isn't as true now as it used to be. The town unfortunately drew a lot of attention to itself, and a few current affairs shows did stories on the drug culture there. That made the police look like idiots, at least in their own minds, so they started cracking down.
Not
everything the police do is positive. Sometimes there are places where there is no violent crime occurring, but where said places simply differ from the norm in terms of things like the use of psychedelics. The police go in and think they're helping, but the place in question ends up worse than it was before they showed up. As difficult as it might be to understand for some of the conservatives here, some forms of lawlessness aren't always a bad thing. Nimbin has become more paranoid and less safe since the police became more active there. A lot of people resent them, to the point where I think they would have to know that they aren't really helping, but they don't care. I think there's too much Judge Dredd type, "the law is the law," thinking among them.
The irony is that when the cops become more active in a place where drugs are concerned, it's only the benign psychedelics which end up leaving. Ice, cocaine and heroin actually become more prevalent, and the police don't seem to try and enforce the law with those; only the drugs that can actually help people. My experience in Nimbin really hasn't left me with a very positive impression of the police at all, to be honest.
Being the target of discrimination, even when it's limited to psychological violence, can ruin a person's life.
I don't know if it's possible where you live, but some companies allow you to buy online and get the goods delivered to your home.
Remember, even if they act as if they are something special, you are better than them as a person.
Good luck and take care of yourself. :)
pets r us
I added a link to some good info on gout if anyone reading wants to know
I think you are a smart cookie and already know that the only person in this world you can change is you
yep..that's it - just you.. now in changing you – you may or maynot change how others see and react to you
so let me play psy doc here.. or maybe that is psycho doc..bwhahahahahahah..sorry sense of humor is loose again
humor can be a great way to disarm the punks.. even if you are cryin inside.. don't let them know they made a hit
someone calls you bigfoot .. turn around and scan the area and say 'WHERE'..and they will say no you, dummy.. and you come back with
'oh, how sad, (or how mean- that's always a good jab) I thought my brother finally made it, if you guys see him tell him I went into the store.'.. and then just keep moving
when you remove their target they can go two ways.. worse or back off..so just be ready
another thought
carry a cane.. a nice sturdy one.. practice a two footed stance and a nice swing with it....twirl it as you walk .. with the arm length of 6'4' and a 3+ ft. cane length that should surely give you some space as you walk
ok we know the smart cookie part now how about the overly sensitive part..)do you have pisces rising by any chance?).doesn't really matter how it got there
but I think that is the part you have to work on..and it obviously does matter how others affect your sensitive self..
sooooooooooo how to change that is the problem needing solved...
self confidence is a hard thing to get second hand but it can be done.. you need to value yourself and not believe that the bullies have power over you with their words
lots of exercises to do to help with that..and I'm sure you have come across many methods but have you ever tried them and stuck to it..
I was blessed with never giving a rats ass about how anyone saw me and that alone has had folks step back ..
some I wish I hadn't scared but that is another story
but valuing yourself is basically the whole of it...
you really are a precious soul or you wouldn't be here at this time..how you guard your gifts and yourself so that you can complete your task or learning here is a big deal..
so look deep and realize your worth ....I can't give it to you.. you have to see it and grab it and be glad..
and that may be your only lesson needed for you to move on..
think about it.. and know you have help when you need it..
hugs
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/gout/symptoms-causes/syc-20372897
Quote from: space otter on July 06, 2018, 03:59:50 PM
ok we know the smart cookie part now how about the overly sensitive part..)do you have pisces rising by any chance?).doesn't really matter how it got there
I have Aries rising. The problematic aspect is Pluto conjunct my descendant. It scares people silly. Also, I can ignore words, Otter. The real issue is when words turn into violence, and given what I've had happen in the past before, whenever there are words, I'm never completely sure that isn't going to happen.
Also, to be honest, I don't want to have to ignore it; I just want it to
stop. I can accept people being rude or taking out anger on me when said anger really has nothing to do with me; what I can't take is mockery or generalised, existential invalidation. This also doesn't mean that I can't laugh at myself, but there's a difference between being laughed
with, and laughed
at.I will accept crap that I know
everyone gets. The rude cashier girl or waitress who is just having a bad day, or road rage, for example; neither of those things have anything to do with me. What I can't emotionally accept is psychological abuse that is individually targeted at me personally.
I also can not accept people being
afraid of me, because it causes me to believe that I am literally a demonic monster who is going to Hell, when I am
not. Christians were terrified of me; in the end, however, it wasn't primarily them who were scared.
Quoteyou really are a precious soul or you wouldn't be here at this time..how you guard your gifts and yourself so that you can complete your task or learning here is a big deal..
I think whatever purpose I might have originally had in being here, is already long gone, to be totally honest. I know I can still help people; but I'm getting to a point where I don't want life to be primarily about other people any more. I want it to be my turn for a while. When I was going to leave my ex-girlfriend because she was an emotionally unstable, materialistic parasite, I waited in order to help her afford to see her father before he died. When I was going to come back from Nimbin, I waited until Nick's father died in order to give him financial support until then. There is always a situation where I have to put someone else first, and I am sick of it.
I think maybe I am just going to have to ignore anything that might be holding me back in this house, and move out. If Mum needs help with the electricity bill from when I have been here, I will have to give her money later or something. I need to do something for myself for once.
Petsrus
i can appreciate that you just want it to stop but it doesn't look like that is in the cards
QuoteI think whatever purpose I might have originally had in being here, is already long gone
i disagree with that.. if you are hurting that much
sometimes when stuff just keeps piling on it is too push you to move not hide..it's still your choice which way you more
positive or negitive
I prefer to go with Jeff Greens assessment of pluto in virgo as a transitional archetype as he calls it a lesson of individual equality or relativity, moving from egocentric to objective ....or being on the first step of the next upward flight. so yeah kinda on the bottom rung..again .... as you move from small circle of life to large universal circle of life.
and yeah it sucks..very difficult position
my point was and still is : if you are finding harassment everywhere you go.. then moving isn't going to solve it or be helpful.. so you need to change your view of yourself in the picture. you need to find a safe way to to handle the stress of it and /or a way to defuse it.
imo self luv is the beginning..knowing you are worth more than you are being shown
recognizing that people in general are mean to anyone that doesn't fit their group and you are bring something they don't want to deal with
so you must find a way to deal so that it not only hurts less but that you grow.
we are all different so finding a way is going to be a task only you can determine
As we get older Petrus...
We gain experiences and hopefully more wisdom, knowledge about life etc.. unfortunatley including its bad side !
but like anything in our existence.... Id say everything is to what degree !...and also sometimes when something happens at certain stages in ones Life,... how do we handle it......we all have varying degrees of strengths and limitations..
As we get older at times, Many things in Life appear to often become more complex.that even the simple can become ever so complex..
It maybe that we have to try to understand ourseleves and try to work our lifes thoughts and actions to get around our problems if we can....We all will face difficulties and often try to avoid many of them.. even the minor things at times..
Some people appear to easily deal with certain things and others seem to have problems with what seems very minor issues or situations...
why and what its down to is sometimes hard to say...
But then trying maybe later as we grow older ... we try to either try to find ways to deal with certain issues if we can...
be it do a certain ammount of self development / improvement... that MAY help for dealing with some repeat or similar type future situations... or at other times when we may not be in the mood or get caught out unexpectedly... we may just try to disappear out of a situation if we can...and not face up to it head on...
It can a real funny thing ... as at the time when something challenges us.. some years later we may laugh at why did it effect us back then and why did I not deal with it the best way that I could have..
We watch the movies and also often the main character who maybe under some sort of attack be it physical or mental..
they often seem to do or say the right things at the time OR will do so at some later stage..
but real life may not always be like that for many of us...
In terms of humans physical strengths.... for many that can be improved for those who decide to train either as some sort of athlete or maybe weight training that would improve us in that department to what ever degree provided that we are able to do such things... but only for a very few would they become some sort of stronger person who would be able to deal with more severe physical encounters... such as champion boxers as an eg or Martial Artists..
but would deal well with certain mental encounters...without being physical to over come some unwanted situation.
A comedian may do much better... as often they have the clever or smart answers. or may appear to do so..
Some Comedians that I can recall could really tie many of us up in knots with his seemingly aray of insults and and putdowns one after another if they felt under some sort of verbal attack !... and seemed to have numerous responses no matter what anyone tried to reply back to them....there thought process and speed of thought seemed just unbelivable... they were like computerised dictionarys.or abusive verbal responses if they felt under threat ! that was there way of dealing with their issues maybe.. or their form of mental self defence...
but they seem born with such things or had had some agenda in their earlier life to persue to become like that..
maybe in their earlier years that experienced such things and decided that they wanted to learn how to deal with things as they grew up..
where as some people.... often the larger taller maybe... do not generally get abused in the same way and do nt have to learn such mental self defence...as the tended to use physical or just their larger presence instead ..
and surprisingly ... many people who are strong physically can fail in that department...or not handle it too well..
as they may act aggressivly, or have some sort of bad reaction mentally.
Sometimes I think as some sort of protection to ourseleves... yes we can learn Martial Arts , like kung Fu to deal with the physical... but I am not realy greatly aware ,that they experts who teach it will be able to teach how to deal with mental situations... that could help avoid conflict...if you are taught how to deal with people in the right way..
by saying the right things when it counts in the right way...or knowing how to recognise and deal with agression..can help !
Mental situations/ strengths that we are born with may help us .. often thru life... but sometimes we may not always have the ability for what ever reason...
I also think upbringing plays a large part as does also whether we are extroverted or introverted and that can be very hard to try to figure out and its rather complex and I do not have the answers to it..
Environment may also play a part to it... ie the difference of living in a larger town or city Verses livng in a smaller town , or village type community , where you tend to only be familar with a set ammount of people who you have to face an accept everyday..
some theories one reads...that maybe if you have a bigger family , and what positions that you were in the children, ie more brothers and sisters...you become more used to dealing with people and will have learned more about dealing with more mental conflict from being young and may be seen as tougher minded as there are more used to dealing with bigger brothers /sisters etc.
although it could be argued that we are all like brothers and sisters ...so maybe that is not strictly true...
but overall we probably deal with our own families in a different way to others.
But generally Psychology plays a large part in dealing with lifes situations..but I would not say its the all..
I think some parts of a persons IQ also plays a large part..... and what I mean by that is... more to do so with a persons verbal IQ or their mental speed.... which we do not all possess equally....
so like in the western we see the Cowboy with the fast draw wins the outcome.... some people have the faster or better verbal reponses or answers in mental type verbal type situations..
and mental speed and why some have it more than others can play a part...in how we deal with putdowns or reply with good answers.... maybe with the right wit or repore...when we maybe under pressure...but also that will be down to experience or ability to recall or memorise certain things as well as to how to apply it in the right way..or say it in the right way....or maybe use methods like involving others to witness putdowns..and apply some sort of other pressure to ones opponents..
Can we improve in these areas ? maybe some with a certain amount of practice... but in what areas should we consider... thats a hard one as there is some many possible areas mentally that we may wish to improve for certain types of situations if they should occur.
So it may then seem a case is why bother .. its too much to consider...or to be bothered about...
and I now absolutley believe that in reality.... we are all bracketed in differing levels of abilities.. or in different leagues..
and like in football... the top teams will in nearly all cases beat the lower teams.... life for the individual is similar..
some of us will be higher level than others in certain areas.. and would win in most cases in numerous situations against many others..what ever the issue maybe.
where if one is in the lower team,,, there chances of winning against the higher team players is quite unlikely...
so in that case is one wasting their energy and time in trying.. especially if its maily down to luck of inhertience...
and its not something that you can alter no matter how much time and effort one may try to do to alter their situation..
I think few teachers at school or parents maybe...may not tell their student the realities of that.... as often they want to continue to offer us hope and to keep trying.... but there are some limitations that they may not explain to pupils..
but as everything is to some sort of degee... we can only do our best...
or maybe alternatively rather live life without having to face such possible situations and may try avoid all contact..
when we are in a weakened position... this is often something that will happen..
Some people are good at putting others down.. and seem armed and dangerous verbally as well as physically.
and I think some of us are born preditor types and others are predited on... which those who are predited on.. do not want to attract the preditors...or wish to avoid them at all costs..
Are the preditors purely bullies ?.... In some cases maybe so...but often bullies , have been through abuse that has made them that way...
I have seen some and experienced some small sized Bullies make some tall large older peoples lifes hell from their verbal slander nastyness... where it becomes like the Elephant fearing the Mouse...
The Elephant if he were to tread on it would squash the mouse.... ! but fears to do so , as he does not want it on his conscience! but it just keeps irritating him as his larger ears cannot avoid the annoyance of the sounds that may penetrate them ! ??? if you know what I mean !
Sometimes we have to become like a Rhino and become tougher skinned.. but blocking out verbal type of abuse or annoyance... can be more of a challenge...
Maybe some other members can offer some advise in this area ! Earphones maybe one type of suggestion..when confronted.. or maybe you say that you are unable to hear or respond due to being unwell..when confronted by someone that you wish not to deal with who may try to to annoy you in the way that you described..
I also think we will all have things that we learn and fear about... and will wonder what others may be thinking or saying in some things we do or say.. who may be friend or foe / enermy !
Soaps on TV show a lot of such situations... or things that often can occur and become awkward situations that we may face... that maybe we never even aware about...that start like a butterfly flapping its wings that can later lead to a hurricane..
It maybe that at times we all have a set of % of people who may side with us and another set % that oppose us.. and maybe thats just the way life is... and somehow we just have to deal with it..and what ever the out come is, so be it..
If one could alter their lives for the better when they have experinced some bad times... it would be one way to try to get a better future..
but for most.. thats not that easy, if possible to do..
Often we may wonder is the a good book or course that will help or guide us to do the right things in life..
and that may exist.... but are we then able to follow it and use its advise to get what we want or help us ?
I think we all will experience issues at different times thru out life... and it stop us in our tracks..some times short term.. sometimes for many years or all out lives...that will effect us in a negative way.
You see so many stories of things that have happened to people and how often they have dealt with there problems..
in all sorts of ways..
when someting happens to us in that sort of way.. we then have to try to deal with it..which in many cases we will do so in one way or another..no matter how good or bad..
In ref to your parents and your present situation that I do not really know your related details...
yes eventually, if we live long enough... we evenatually are left alone to live and fend for oursleves.
Maybe thats when lifes really tests us.. and that also depends on how things are for us at the time...
when we feel in a good position, we deal with it initialy better.. but if we are in a weakended position when it occurs..
things could be much harder for us to deal with..some people experience that from very early ages and somehow seem to deal with it.. others are much older when it happens.
I think the other major major problem many of us have is are we content with other areas in our life..such ones job or carear or other relationships...
For many of us these days... there seems a lot of uncertainty in terms of our future prospects...job like or financial security.
if we do have such security... that would help us feel stronger to deal with some of the more severe situations that we may face in life such as the loss of a parent...
If we do not have a certain amount of content in other areas of one life.. then things could be much difficult to deal with.
If We find our parents get ill, that later could end up the loss a parent/s ... you also have to be aware of somethings that many may not be fully aware about that can happen that can end up costing them or later us in our inhertitance...such as care costs.. where you can end up having to sell ones home to pay for it... and can get caught out by surprise and not having been knowledgeable about such things...
If we continue to live... LIfe will hit us with a series of stages of events that we have to face and deal with..
being aware can help us deal with such things..
some of us have good family / relations or friends who can help or advise us... but some of us do not..
what ever... we all will have somethings in life at some stages that will challenge us...unless we are lucky !
I did not realise that you were so tall or what you gender was based on your icon image.. or that you came from OZ ! I thought that you were from the USA ?