Pegasus Research Consortium

My ego just took a felling blow.
First I reacted angrily, I've since retracted that and have now 'turned the other cheek'... Outwardly.

Inside I'm still squirming... Anyone got any words of wisdom to help thru these situations?

Quote from: Sinny on November 24, 2013, 06:56:01 PM
My ego just took a felling blow.
First I reacted angrily, I've since retracted that and have now 'turned the other cheek'... Outwardly.

Inside I'm still squirming... Anyone got any words of wisdom to help thru these situations?

Do you think that "turning the other cheek" was the right thing to do?

Perhaps not.. I feel injusticed, however I'm not always the best of judges when it comes to perception of myself.

If I react with no negativity, know negativity will return as a direct result of my own doing.

I can be vicious if I unlesh anger - I resent that part of myself.

Sinny,

I came across Choice Theory in My travels through the infosphere, with direction from My sister.  Since then I use it.

The concept is that:

1.  We CHOOSE Our feelings through what We think of - and HOW We think about what We choose to think about.

2.  The ONLY thing We can control in life is Our behavior.  ALL else is merely influenced by Our CHOICE of behaviors.

I use this most often when I feel depression coming on, but have used it for anger too.  I ask Myself, "Why am I CHOOSING this?"  Sometimes I get an answer, many times I don't, but regardless, I then ask, "Is there a BETTER choice I can make?"

Again, whether I get a specific answer or not...I start making better choices.  I haven't had full-blown depression in a couple of decades - and haven't even felt the beginnings for close to a decade.  Same for anger and other negative feelings.

Many (Myself included) start out denying that the CHOICE is Our responsibility...  "She MADE Me angry."  "He MADE Me do that..."

Taking responsibility is a hard step to take - but WOW how much more free One feels once that step is taken.  I am so glad I no longer choose to depress!

Ego

I wear the crown... get used to it :P


Ego's are what define us... it is what makes us different

It is only a problem if you let the Ego rule you instead of the other way around

The Christian thing about the "Meek inheriting the Earth"  Bull Poop  Its the ones with the biggest Egos that rule the roost... the rest are Lion Fooder

8)

Quote from: Sinny on November 24, 2013, 07:57:16 PM
Perhaps not.

Then why did you do it?

QuoteI feel injusticed, however I'm not always the best of judges when it comes to perception of myself.

That's because our perspective of ourselves is different from that of other people, but it's only wrong if we ignore what we do really know about ourselves.

QuoteIf I react with no negativity, know negativity will return as a direct result of my own doing.

I guess you have to learn where to point that negativity, so you know how to control it.

QuoteI can be vicious if I unlesh anger - I resent that part of myself.

You are the only one able to do something about it, so if you resent it, learn how to control it, I do that myself all the time, not only with anger but also with other feelings, even with laughter, because I learned since I was 5 or 6 years old that it would result in an asthma attack, so I had a good reason to learn. :)

Remember, you are the one in control of your own body and mind. :)

Quote from: Sinny on November 24, 2013, 06:56:01 PM
My ego just took a felling blow.
First I reacted angrily, I've since retracted that and have now 'turned the other cheek'... Outwardly.

Inside I'm still squirming... Anyone got any words of wisdom to help thru these situations?

Well Sinny,

A bit hard to offer meaningful advice with such cryptic details of what happened.

Sounds like you were accused of being egotistical with no foundation for being so.


You were hurt by this because

- You know it to be untrue, but hurt that what you project makes it appear to be true.

or

- You were hurt by an observation that shows you have not come as far in your growth as you would like to think.


Only you can judge whether this accusation had merit or was completely unfounded.

How well does this person know you?

Did they know the old you, and have not experienced the new you?

It sounds like you value their opinion, otherwise you would not have been hurt by it.


I have noted that taking the piss out of someone is a popular pass time in the UK, could this just have been something along those lines?


You do sometimes shoot from the hip, and do not look before you leap, but I do not consider those traits indicative of a bad person, just a young one.

Your offer to help Dr. Chris showed me a lot about you I was unaware of, and raised your standing in my book immensely.


That, combined with the fact you do care how you are perceived, tells me you are on the right track and will be fine.





 

A51 said it all for me, your commitment in going down to London was just great, and i hope we all learned something from it. Don't be put down by what someone thinks of you, just think about what YOU think about you.

My ego gets in the way all the time, have to keep stamping on it to let my nicer side shine through, LOL

Like i said in the beginning, i don't give a monkeys nut what peeps think about me, just about my work is the important thing.

You, Sinny, are one of the very few who managed to go out the front door & do some real, active, research.
I'm very proud of that fact, and proud to have you on the team, so there :P

Quote from: Sinny on November 24, 2013, 06:56:01 PM
...
Inside I'm still squirming...

Sinny,

Yes; we can be hurt by others;
this is a common occurance whether we
have so 'earned' it or not.

My favorite route is to recognize, then process
which is to feel,  acknowledge, then let it go.

Let it go, be like water, make the conscience
choice to forgive, and as you already know,
and be on your way into better experiences.

Hugs,
bts

Sinny

you can see by the replies  how diverse all of out thoughts on ego are
but we do have your back while you grow into your full self

take a look at why it hurt and do whatever to change it to where you are comfortable with yourself
i.e. change you or change the way you hear what others say

full growth and embraceing ego is when you can look in the mirror
and say.. i love who you are...and mean it

your ability to look at whatever happened and share your feelings in a way that isn't
self-aggrandizing   shows a  strength that is unstoppable

so look at what you are considering a wart and either embrace it or puck it out
you are in charge  

hugs

One thing to remember Sinny, often when people say and do something to attack you (figuratively) it's not about you, it's about them.  You're too nice, too clever, too funny, too smart, too clever, too cute, too something.  They feel they need to bring you down a notch or tow to maintain their status quo.  They need to reinforce their own little world in their mind by knocking you down.  It's not about you.  It's about them.  If you can keep this in mind when someone goes on the attack it's easier to mentally take a step back and ask "Why are they doing what they're doing? What's their motivation? Is there something in this for them personally in this?"  Suddenly personal attacks are less personal when you sadly realize they feel threatened and what they're doing is an attempt to pul themselves up by (trying to) pull you down.

Also, something easier said than done, learn not to hold onto anger.  You're punishing one single person, yourself.  The other serson is done and gone, or moved on, or doesn't give a rip, or worse yet finds joy in your anger.  Let it go.  It does absolutlely nothing but punish yourself.  Let it go.  There's a certain freedom that comes with letting go and not caring about what other people think of you. (negatively)

Lastly, when I was in my young 20s I was once told "You create your own reality" which I was too young to truely comprehend.  I thought it was some new age mumbo-jumbo "use your mental powerz to alter the universe" BS.  But it stuck with me and from time to time came back to me and I finally got it.  It harkens back to "let it go".  I may have an arguement with my teenage daughter and I get upset with her for the right reasons.  But I don't have to stay upset.  I more or less choose to dwell on the anger and stay in a bad mood, or I can choose to breath deep, exhale, and let it got for the moment and think calmly about options.  I don't have to remain mad.  I create my own reality.  All day every day I make emotional choices for my mood of the moment.  I either gift that choice or inflict that choice on myself and others around me.  I create my own reality.

Breath deep.  Exhale.  Let it go.

Maybe whatever happened to you that hurt your ego was honest contructive critisism you took badly. (or was presented poorly)  Maybe it was someone else just trying to attack you because it made them feel better.  Let go of the emotion of the moment and reflect back on if there was something honest in the situation you can take away and learn from.  All the better.  Or maybe it wasn't about you, it was about them.  Let it go, you're just punishing yourself.

Cheers  (Forgive spelling errors, I'm at "work")

Thank you all for the thought provocking and inspiring replies.

I did write a long reply the other day only to loose it to the joys of tech malfunction.

A few days later.. I feel as though i have taken charge - as suggested.

The matter was a breach of trust, rather than an attack, however it it's context, it was a subtle form of attack.

The other person has gained a 'stroke' on their ego, whilst my ego was hurt by my underestimation of other said person.

In truth, i've gained wisdom, and have no loss, i should be thankful.

Cheers guys.

When all else fails, break something.

Quote from: VillageIdiot on November 28, 2013, 11:37:46 PM
When all else fails, break something.

That's why I don't throw broken things away, better to break things I know I won't be using than something I will regret. ;D

Quote from: VillageIdiot on November 28, 2013, 11:37:46 PM
When all else fails, break something.

Gold for that  :P

Quote from: ArMaP on November 29, 2013, 12:15:42 AM
That's why I don't throw broken things away, better to break things I know I won't be using than something I will regret. ;D

Or keep a box of things you need to break handy.

Quote from: Sinny on November 29, 2013, 09:17:08 AM
Gold for that  :P

All I know is that it works for me. :)