Jokes people send me

[deuem]

STUDENT WHO OBTAINED 0% ON AN EXAM...AND HOW HE DID IT
Personally, I would have given him 100%
Q1. In which battle did Napoleon die?
* his last battle

Q2. Where was the Declaration of Independence signed?
* at the bottom of the page

Q3. River Ravi flows in which state?
* liquid

Q4. What is the main reason for divorce?
* marriage

Q5. What is the main reason for failure?
* exams

Q6. What can you never eat for breakfast?
* Lunch & dinner

Q7. What looks like half an apple?
* The other half

Q8. If you throw a red stone into the blue sea what it will become?
* It will simply become wet

Q9. How can a man go eight days without sleeping?
* No problem, he sleeps at night.

Q10. How can you lift an elephant with one hand?
* You will never find an elephant that has only one hand.

Q11. If you had three apples and four oranges in one hand and four apples and three oranges in other hand, what would you have?
* Very large hands

Q12. If it took eight men ten hours to build a wall, how long would it take four men to build it?
* No time at all, the wall is already built.

Q13. How can u drop a raw egg onto a concrete floor without cracking it?
*Any way you want, concrete floors are very hard to crack.

[PLAYSWITHMACHINES]

 

I just sent that off to a few peeps, i got this one yesterday...

It was a small town and the patrolman was making his evening rounds..
As he was checking a used car lot, he came upon two little old ladies sitting in a used car..........
He stopped and asked them why they were sitting there in the car.....were they trying to steal it?

'Heavens no, we bought it.'

'Then why don't you drive it away?.'

'We can't drive.'

''Then why did you buy it?'


'We were told that if we bought a used car here we'd get screwed........so we're just waiting.'

[Fruitbat]

A neutron walks into a bar and orders a drink.

As he reaches for his wallet, the barman smiles and says:

"For you sir, there is no charge."

or..

The bar man serves him a drink.
A tachyon walks into a bar..

FB.

[deuem]

 

If you''ve ever had an Indian taxi driver you'll love this one... A drunken, totally naked, woman jumped into a taxi at Park Beach Plaza in Coffs Harbour, Australia. The Indian driver shook his head, opened his eyes wide and stared at the woman. He made no attempt to start the Cab. "What's wrong with you Luv, haven't you ever seen a nude woman before?" "I'll not be staring at you lady, I am telling you, that would not be proper, where I am coming from..." "Well, if you're not bloody staring at me Luvie, what are you doing then?" "Well, I am looking and looking, and I am thinking and thinking to myself, where is this lady keeping the money to be paying me?!" [/t]

[deuem]

         The mother-in-law stopped by her daughter's house after shopping to find her son-in-law boiling angry and hurriedly packing his suitcase.

"What Happened?" she asked anxiously.

   
"What Happened? I'll tell you what happened. I sent an email to my wife, your daughter, telling her I was coming home a day early from my fishing trip. I got home ...and guess what I found? Your daughter in bed with a naked guy! This is unforgivable, the end of our marriage. I'm done. I'm leaving forever!"

   "Calm down, calm down!" said his mother-in-law. "There's something very odd about that. She would never do such a thing. There must be a simple explanation. I'll go speak to her and find out what happened."


A few minutes later, the mother-in-law came back with a big smile and said,  "I told you there must be a simple explanation....she didn't get your Email."

[PLAYSWITHMACHINES]

LOL Deuem, somehow i missed that one!

Here is a good example of why men should not write advice columns, read on;
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